Wednesday Brings Dragons
by The Spork Warrior
Summary: Wufei is being tortured by all the shounen ai around him as the authoress and the other pilots drive him completely batty! Stupidness!


Title: Wednesday Brings Dragons

Author: HeeroDuo1x2x1

Rating: PG (PG-13 to be safe…)

Genre: Humour

Warnings: Silliness, Insanity, Language some might find offensive, hints of shounen ai, random Brittney Spears bashing , Relena bashing, Hilde bashing… uhhh…. Stuff… 

Pairings: 5+? (implied with a chair), 1+2, 3+4, R+H+D+tree (Just don't ask…)

Disclaimer/Notes: Don't own, never will, LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU DAMN LAWYERS!! Ahem… I don't know WHAT I've been smoking, but it must've fucked me up a lot for me to have written this. It all started with a page of pointless and stupid quotes, that weird show on Spike TV with the crazy Japanese people doing really weird shit (what's it called?), Hot Hot Heat's song "Bandages," and Mountain Dew Livewire. Oh! And pocky. Lots and lots of pocky. If you hate this, that's okay. Like it, EVEN BETTER!! Just do me one favour. Read it, and THEN REVIEW it! People read my fics, but rarely review them! This is short, I know, but it's just silly, so it's okay. *sighs and takes out a bottle of ketchup.* KETCHUP!!!! BTW: I don't own the surprise guest!!

It was just a normal, average Wednesday morning, and Wufei was catching up with his reading in his favourite comfy chair. He enjoyed snuggling it, much like rabid fan-girls enjoy snuggling their Fei-bear plushies. He had just gotten to the page about recliners in his magazine when suddenly he heard a loud shriek from upstairs.

*Crickets chirping* Ahem, I said, When SUDDENLY he heard a loud shriek from upstairs.

"No ones shrieking." Wufei says smugly, still looking through his furniture magazine.

*Glares evilly* *Still silent* SHRIEK, DAMN YOU!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! *Cough, gag, cough*" 

Thank you. Anyway, hearing this shriek of panty-soiling terror [1] sent Wufei into a frenzy. He jumped out of his big comfy chair, (not without kissing it goodbye, of course) grabbed his katana, and scurried up the stairs with a battle cry of great power!

"Mew?!" Okay, a battle cry of minimal power, but still, it was a battle cry! He stopped in front of a door, a door that he'd never dare open. A door that no one knew the horrours hidden behind its innocent looking white paint. A door that was so hideous, so disturbing, it could only be one thing:

The door to Heero and Duo's room. See, I told you it was disturbing. He should have known that the hideous shriek had come from their room, and he turned on his heel and went back to his beloved recliner to finish reading his furniture catalogue. But he never made it that far. Before he could even walk 2 steps, something like a brown and black bullet shot out the door to the room, collided with the wall, and bounced backwards onto Wufei. Both fell, only to see Sir Stoic himself walking slowly out of the room, gun in hand and his feet bare.

"You… will… _die_… Maxwell!" He sneered slowly, glaring daggers of evil hatefulness at Duo, who at the moment sat in a place almost as comfy as Wufei's infamous chair: Wufei's lap. Heero stopped a few inches away. "What possessed you to write that on my laptop?!"

Duo smirked evilly. "Well, you ARE Crunchy!"

Wufei sweatdropped. "What _did_ you write on his laptop?"

"Do not meddle in the affair of dragons, for you are CRUNCHY and taste good with ketchup!" Duo rambled, Heero suddenly pouncing on Duo. Duo purred, "Mmm, I like 'em FIESTY!"

Wufei slipped out from under the two, a nose bleed gracing his face. He chanced a glance at them and saw them kissing and groping wildly on the floor. Wufei's nose bleed became worse. He eeped and scurried from the hallway, running into the kitchen. Quatre and Trowa were sitting at the table, each with a glass of orange juice. They were, unfortunately for poor, poor Fei-bear, playing strip poker.

Wufei turns to look at the authoress, "Why are you torturing me so?"

"Because it's fun!" the authoress replies, "Deal with it! Now, back to the fic!"

Wufei sullenly wanders over to examine Quatre and Trowa's game of strip poker. As it appeared, Quatre was winning. Trowa was down to his pants and underwear only, while Quatre had only lost his shoes and socks. It was very… amusing. 

Quatre turned to Wufei and smiled innocently, "Why, Wufei, would you like to join us? This is my very first time playing this!"

Wufei sweatdropped, "What has gotten into everyone today? Yuy and Maxwell are groping wildly in the hallway, you two are playing STRIP-POKER, and the authoress is being a monstrous bitch-demon and torturing me! Why?!"

The authoress walks in quite suddenly, bows, and says, "This cameo has been brought to you by too many Pixistix and not enough medication." She then vanishes within a puff of smoke with a cackle and a crack of a whip. Wufei, Quatre and Trowa all sweatdrop. 

"Is she still smoking something?" Trowa asked, quirking his one visible eyebrow.

Quatre nodded, and then suddenly went back to character, "Anyway! Are you going to join us, Wufei?"

With a loud cry and an evil pulling of his hair, he scurried from the room. 

Duo walked into the kitchen, looking very ruffled and happy. "What's wrong with Fei-bear?"

Quatre shrugs, "He's been disturbed by something."

Heero seems to appear out of nowhere and grabs Duo in inappropriate ways and places and begins to nibble on his ear. With an eep, they head back to the stairs.

"'Scuse us!" This disappear up the stairs.

Insert massive sweatdrop. 

Meanwhile, as Wufei runs away from the house and his beloved chair, a strange noise meets his ears. Being a curious little dragon, he makes his way towards the sound, even though it was against his better judgement. He should have just continued walking, if he had, he wouldn't have been met with the terrifying image before him. 

There, stood Relena Peacecraft, Hilde Schbeiker, and Dorothy Catalonia all doing very inappropriate things to each other – around a tree. Wufei's virgin eyes began to burn and he shrieked, running away.

"I'm going to kill you, you FUCKING witch!!" He screams to the authoress. She just cackles and uses her poetic license to torture Fei-bear even more.

As if by some trick, (which it was, actually, since the authoress just loves messing with Wufei's head.) some unknown boy appeared. Pinkish-red hair and eyes to match the boy suddenly put up the victory sign and grinned, "I am Shuichi Shindou! [2] I am yet another cameo brought to by rabid shounen-ai fan-girls, too many Pixistix in too little time, and not enough medication!! Read Gravitation, for I am a walking advertisement!" He spins around and then prances away happily. Wufei sweatdrops, screams and then passes out.

The authoress walks out and smirks, "Finally! I got him to pass out." She gets an evil look. "He's mine!! All mine!! Yay!!"

She picks Fei-bear up and then using her almighty poetic license and authory powers, vanished into her cave o' doom. (Which is actually a corner of the basement with GW posters and plushes, along with all my pending ficcies and a list of my current anime obsessions.) 

Wufei was promptly tied to a chair. What happened next is not allowed to be written, given the fact that it is very gruesome.

…Okay, you can be told!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the voice of the authoress rings out as she reads a 1x2 lemon to Wufei, followed by forcing him to watch every episode of Gravitation (including the OVA). Wufei's screams echoed loudly throughout the land. 

THE END

A/N: Just don't ask what I was thinking. I don't even know. I was working on a chapter of "I Want to Touch the Sky," and I was suddenly hit with inspiration to finish this fic (which I started writing long ago, when Spike TV was still TNN…). I wish I knew why I was hit with inspiration, but I guess we'll never know.    

[1] Thank master Jhonen Vasquez for this wonderful phrase. He is a golden god!

[2] Shuichi Shindou is the main character from the Shounen-ai manga Gravitation. It is my current secondary anime obsession. I even got a guy to like it! *grins* He just reads past the parts that disturb him. *glomps Neko-chan* Luv ya Neko-chan!

See the little box below, that says Submit a Review? Click the button next to it and REVIEW!!! ^_^V 


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